Tuesday, December 07, 2004

A note to my commenters

Dear The Hock and "Anonymous",

This is my blog - not yours. If you want to create a blog that attempts to take stabs at the status of my physical relationships with B., D., or A,E,I,O,U (and sometimes Y), that's fine.

But the fact is neither of you know what I've done with anyone - except that I hold B.'s hand. Nor will I be blogging about my experiences in the future.

Shomer negiah - to me, and any other time I use it on this blog - means any barriers/prohibitions to touching that are in place in order to prevent sex. That's all. Assume from that what you will - but please, don't pontificate about it in my blog. Halachik authorities I've consulted have made the distinction between shaking the hand of a business associate and holding hands with a lover (and by lover, I do not mean someone with whom one is having sex). So all touching does not equal "negiah" in this blog.

Here are a few other "Jerusalem Revealed" definitions, to clear up the semantics

"Very physical" = Lots of touching - does not mean sex, not "sleeping together in a post-coital haze" (which, BTW, post-coital means after intercourse, so I'm not sure how someone can not be having sex yet be there for something post-coital). There's a lot that can happen between hand-holding and having sex, I've been told.
"Doesn't pick and choose what he's careful about" = I mean, careful about halachik things. Like the whole concept, not particular tiny points. I also said he davens 3x a day with a minyan, but guess what, sometimes he misses minyan because he's in the middle of donating bone marrow to a leukemia patient. You know, things like that. So I would say that doesn't mean he is not careful about his minyan-going.

"Orthodox" = from Late Greek orthodoxos, from Greek orth- meaning "straight" + doxa, meaning "opinion" (Merriam Webster Dictionary). If I'd said I was "Orthoprax" (ortho - straight, prax - actions or practices) then perhaps there'd be an issue.

To The Hock, who thinks that most of the harchakot do not sexually excite his/her spouse, I feel very sorry for you and your spouse (if one exists yet). I hope that your sex-life improves, and that touching your spouse begins to excite you at some point. However, I'm not going to make guesses about what goes on in your marriage here. If you are as critical of him/her as you are here in this blog, my heart goes out to him/her.

I'm not going to comment about the fallacies, correctness, ludicrousness or insanity of either of your comments about me or B. But for people who (I hope) have never met me, you assume a lot.

Love always,


Blogger TheHock said...

This comment has been removed by a blog administrator.

5:23 PM  
Blogger TheHock said...

You say
This is my blog - not yours.

True, and these were my comments not yours. Did I say/do something against the rules?

You say ...

1) Shomer negiah = Any barriers/prohibitions to touching that are in place in order to prevent sex.

2) "Doesn't pick and choose what he's careful about" = Like the whole concept, not particular tiny points.

3) Orthodox = "straight opinion"

OK, so number 1 and 2 you translate very loosely and number 3 very literally. "straight opinion" ?

The reason that I started with this petty nitpicking is because of your post regarding the girls that did not want to go to a non-kosher establishment. You basically said that you are also orthodox and think that there is no problem going. My point is, you allow yourself some leniencies that others may not so don’t judge.

You say...
harchakot do not sexually excite his/her spouse ...I feel very sorry for you ..

Most of the "harchakot" do not deal with touching at all. Here are a few. You can’t hear her whistle or sing, you can’t drink from a cup that she used, you can’t directly hand her anything etc. I think you can agree that these things are not particularly arousing.

Anyway, apparently I’m beginning to irritate you, so I'll move on.

Most importantly,
He sounds like a great guy for you. I can tell from your posts that you have a tremendous amount of respect for him. This is a great foundation for marriage so good luck with the Chuppy Thing.

5:26 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

:Did they sleep together? Or did they just lie next to one another, naked, in a post-coital haze?:

This was suposed to be a joke. In it "sleep together" means sleep. not sex. Take the words literally, rather than euphemistically, and you'll see it is quite funny.

I hope you're having lots of sex, btw. You're in your twenties. It's what you should be doing.

5:57 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Sorry if I made assumptions about your personal life. Indeed, it is personal and nobody else's business. These people don't have a right to tell you how to act in private with your boyfriends. I certainly respect if you choose to wait for marriage.

6:15 PM  
Blogger Dash Riprock said...

You're cool. And you seem like exactly the sort of person I would have hung out with back in my Katamon days. I'm blogrolling you.

10:30 PM  
Blogger Mr. Clean said...

WOW!! Forget UWS and Chicago! Im moving to J-town!!

8:23 AM  
Blogger Geviha ben Pesisa said...

I really liked the way you handled the intrusions on your personal life.

3:04 AM  
Anonymous Des said...

"Most of the "harchakot" do not deal with touching at all. I think you can agree that these things are not particularly arousing."

Umm, I thought the sound of a woman's singing voice is supposed to be arousing? Which is why I don't sing in front of other people's husbands either?

Part of the idea of the harchakot is to make these things exciting. Handing something directly and having your hands brush ever so slightly is supposed to send chills down your spine... etc. But if it doesn't "touch" you, than well, the rules weren't designed with you in mind. But that's why she said she feels sorry for you.

8:42 PM  

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