Monday, October 11, 2004

Multiple Orgasms, Indeed

This article, written by a fellow blogger, appeared in this week's Haaretz.

I am very proud to admit that I am the "N." in the article, and that "M." was drinking my wine and eating my chocolate covered strawberries (as well as sushi and "boob cupcakes"). The only reason the article uses an initial is that I've been quoted too often by the reporter in other articles, and it would have looked bad.

If anyone is interested in contacting Beverly, drop me a line.

UPDATE: I feel the need to answer some of the comments here in the actual entry.

Avi: The point is that not all women even feel comfortable buying vibrators, despite feeling a need for one. They think they're weird, or sick, or wrong. But if they come and see a whole diverse group also interested, it may help them get over their concerns. Also, only a small portion of the evening was devoted to vibrator sales. A lot of it was devoted to talking about women's bodies, sexual pleasure (with or without a partner) and communication with a partner to get what you need. Despite what you men may think, it isn't always "good for me".

And as I understand it, the places in Tel Aviv are really seedy and more importantly, run by men. Not so comfortable for a woman.

Anonymous: I'll answer your questions one by one. I don't read hirhurim, but I do know that Simcha is not a halachik authority. why must you assume that A) Sexual pleasure of any kind is reserved for married women only? and B) That there would even be a problem of any kind. Sexual gratification IS NOT BAD. Find me a Rav who will tell you that sexual gratification in accordance with Halacha is bad, and I'll show you a fraud. In fact, I think we would all agree that it is far preferable for women to use a vibrator or other methods of masturbation, than to have sex not in accordance with Halacha.

In fact, I'll take it one step further. I have, as a single twenty-something, who has lived in both the Upper West Side and Katamon, noticed that some singles, confuse love with lust. They marry someone because they are horny, more or less. Ever wondered why the frum community, with its safeguards and shidduchim, has almost the same divorce rate as the general public? Wouldn't it be great if people (well, women since obviously its not halachikally a-ok for men) could get their sexual overdrives offloaded and then marry for the right reasons, all the time?

The only things you can assume about me from the article are the following:
1) I know how to make sushi
2) I know how to make chocolate-covered strawberries
3) I have a recipe for boob cupcakes
4) I am a woman not afraid to discuss sexual health, gratification, women's bodies, or vibrators (keep in mind, I am in nursing school).

About the people. I don't think anyone thought they were rebelling or misbehaving. It was a roomful of women in search of the big "O". And who clearly thought they were entitled to it...whether they are married, single, religious, secular, young or old. As you read in the article, they were all different kinds...women in shaitels, non-religious, married, single, mostly in their 20's and 30's.

Clearly there is a need for this type of forum, as I invited 9 women and over 30 showed up. It traveled by word of mouth. Lots of women were total strangers, whom I have no idea how they got to my house. But I am happy I could make the shidduch between them and the vibrators.

Adam: You're braver...you touch topics I wouldn't go near. And you're not anonymous.

13 Comments:

Blogger Jack's Shack said...

I always miss out on the really good parties. Shucks. ;)

Interesting story, the boys and I have always wondered about those parties.

12:01 AM  
Blogger Esther Kustanowitz said...

This is so interesting. Thanks for posting it. For some reason, I feel like if I had a party like that on the Upper West Side, the Jewish community would evict me from my apartment and make me move to a vermin-ridden apartment above a tattoo parlor in the East Village. Um. Ok. So that might have been exaggeration. But it was funnier than just saying "thanks for posting that interesting article."

:-)

2:44 AM  
Blogger Noa said...

Jack - I had several guy friends trying to find the date and location of the party...sinply so they could stand across the street and dream

Esther - I had my party on the Israeli equivalent of the UWS. It was a smashing success. When someone asked me to host the party initially, I thought, "Where will I find even 10 people to come to this party?" I am sure if you hosted one, it would get the same standing ovation mine did. If you want to email me, feel free, so I cna describe to you how I did it, in order to ensure maximum privacy and comfort. In fact, there were many friends I didn't have the courage to invite. When they found out they were upset they hadn't been able to partake and angry that I didn't think of them as enlightened enough to be invited. I think you'd be surprised.

8:15 AM  
Blogger Gilly said...

Famous for all the right reasons. Might have to get the recipe for "boob cupcakes"....

3:22 PM  
Blogger amechad said...

With all due respect to you and Sarah, what's the point besides selling vibrators? I suspect I'm just missing something. (Not that I'm trashing on selling vibrators especially considering that I really can't imagine most of the target audience to visit the sex shops in Israel (though there is apparently in Jeruslaem so one doesn't need to go to the seedy places in tel Aviv).

4:18 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Does Simcha of Hirhurim have anything to say about women, married or not, using vibrators? Are we supposed to draw any conclusions about you, Noa, from this article? If so, what are they?

I wish the article had told us more about the people, and less about the professor. Who are they? Do they think they are misbehaving? Is this some sort of rebellion, in their minds, or a search for fulfilment? How do the actors in the story view themselves?

8:33 PM  
Blogger Adam Ragil said...

Hi Noa, what a courageous post, even braver than "sad toenails," which I also thought was tremendously brave. I am impressed that you can write so personally without hiding your identity.

I can't imagine any of the male bloggers going near the "O" subject. Me included. Wonder why that is?

AR

11:51 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Just to take your comment one step further, Noa...

The getting married early due to horniness in the religious community is an even bigger problem. Not only does it lead to a similarly high divorce rate, but many of these "young kids" who got married quickly for the above-mentioned reasons also have kids very quickly. Thus, they are divorced equally quickly, but often as single parents.

My $.02

Peace.
Joel

10:47 PM  
Blogger Jack's Shack said...

Noa,

Is there another party scheduled.

-Jackie, of Jack's Shack.

:)

7:33 AM  
Blogger Daphna said...

I was at one of Beverly's presentations once--she rocks! She really knows how to demystify the whole topic of women's sexuality and...well...how to enjoy it. :)

What are boob cupcakes? Will a recipe be forthcoming?

2:09 AM  
Blogger jah said...

I think the story behind this story is that it took some of these women until their 30's to discuss sexuality in an open, healthy, positive environment.
Had some of the "young frum married for horniness" women and men had an opportunity to speak openly abut these issues, some of those unsuccessful marriages would not have taken place. but then, it would also require their parents to calm down a little about getting to make a wedding and getting grandchildren at a young age as well.

1:08 AM  
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