Monday, August 23, 2004

Because What We Need Are More Jewish Guys With Unreasonable Standards

This just in from Ha'aretz. JDate uses pornographic models for their ads, advertising these women as real women, waiting for a serious relationship with a Jewish guy.

Because Jewish men all over the world don't already have unreasonable expectations of what they're looking for in a woman.

One of my favorite conversations was with this guy, let's name him Eli. Eli repeatedly would ask me to set him on dates with girls I know. Eli, I should mention here, is about 5'5, fat, bald, and with no particular career. He is very much like George Costanza, only not as funny to laugh at or with. This does not make him a bad person, or one unworthy of dates. However, it does provide you, the reader, with some background info.

Each time I would suggest a date for Eli, he would dismiss the girl as "not pretty enough", "not skinny enough", "doesn't have a job". Exasperated, I finally said to him "Have you ever looked in a mirror?"

I think its important for people to set their standards such that they would date themselves. If your standards are so high that you yourself would not meet them, it may explain why you are single. Just a suggestion (from someone who is still single, though I don't think high standards are my issue).

My sister, for another example, has a somewhat spotty junior college attendance record. No degree (not even an AA), no actual career or job. She has never gone on a third date with anyone. She is pleasantly plump. She consistently rejects guys for being overweight. And when I recently tried to set her up with a guy who is interested in her, a guy who is an engineer, with a college degree, and a good job, she immediately said, "I can't agree to a date like that. I have to check him out. To see what his family is like. To see how frum he is. To see what he does for a living, whether he has a college degree, whether he has a job."

My family, I must add, has so many skeletons, our closet won't even hold them. Which is why I don't try to hide them. My sister is jobless, and living in my parents' guest bedroom. I was doing her a favor by trying to arrange a date with a guy who had met her, and was interested. That hasn't happened for her in....since high school. But no, her standards have been dictated by the ultra-frum, wealthier, prettier, less-skeletony girls she went to seminary with. Its sad, because they are mostly married already, whereas she hasn't had a real date in years. But she is so scared of dating a guy who might be *less* than someone her friends would date, she would rather be dateless and single (which in her charedi world is bordering on sinful).

*Sigh*

8 Comments:

Anonymous Anonymous said...

I think that most of these Internet dating sites use whatever tatic that they can to get paying members. Glad I'm married and out of that world.

dbates

6:16 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

I'll hope and assume that your sister doesn't read your blog!

Joel

1:01 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

This is the saddest story I have ever heard. Your poor sister...

Tell us about yourself, though? You dating or married? And what's with the anti charedi attitude?

7:34 PM  
Blogger Noa said...

Joel--

Nope my sister doesn't read this. In fact, none of my family knows about it. I hope.

Anon--

I am not married. I am/not dating anyone. I'm in this holding pattern with a guy named D. See previous postings. At the moment we're dating. But check back next week and you may have a different story.

As for the anti-charedi attitude. I'll admit it. I'm not a huge fan. I'm not a fan of anyone who takes from a society and doesn't give back. I'm against people who refuse to recognize the State of Israel or respect the state in any way, are proud anti-Zionists, but have no trouble accepting government handouts...going so far as to scheme the government of this non-existant State of even more money.

Same goes for the army. They teach their kids that soldiers are bad people --yet who is keeping their asses safe at night??? Hashem, with a little help from his footsoldiers.

And finally, almost every Charedi parent I've run into here teaches their kids that dogs are to be feared, to be kicked, to be screamed at. I have a small 8 lb poodle mix and just today a Charedi woman with about 10 kids walked by and one of her little brats ran over and started screaming at and kicking my teeny little dog. Who was nowhere near him, nor could she harm a fly. Just before I heard the mother call out "Careful, there's a dog--run away, be scared". I grabbed the little boy and had to restrain form hitting him. I told him my dog won't do anything, but most dogs, when attacked will actually bite him. Then I blasted the mother for allowing her kid to do that and not stopping him. She apologized.

Once, and only once, this happened. A little Charedi girl ran up to my dog and started screaming at her and trying to kick her. The mother grabbed the little girl, slapped her, and reminded her that just this week in Parshat Hashavua was the mitzva of Tza'ar Ba'alei Chaim (not to cause harm to an animal). The only time I ever saw a Charedi mother think her kids behavior was wrong. God bless her.

Sorry for the long response...but you asked. It should be mentioned that I have 4 Charedi sisters, and have respect for some charedim. I try to judge on a case by case basis. But I am not the president of the fan club.

10:41 PM  
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3:31 AM  
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7:35 PM  
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