Sunday, October 10, 2004

Vacation Over

In all senses of the word, my vacation is over. My 6 week long vacation finishes tomorrow, when orientation for nursing school starts. The holidays are over. My internet is up and running, so blogging must resume. And my personal pity party is over too.

My apologies for my absence, but from a technical standpoint, my internet was down so blogging was somewhat difficult; and from a reality standpoint, I had nothing positive or happy or even new to report, so I took a hiatus. But all the wonderful comments helped.

I spent this past Shabbat with the Treppenwitz family. I was a little nervous, truth be told, seeing as how our face to face interactions were somewhat limited. I ran into someone I know in synagogue who said, "Oh, how do you know the Treppenwitzes?" And I stopped...debating whether to make something up or tell the truth "Well, we read each other's blogs". I opted for the truth. They are just as funny, kind and down-to-earth in real life as portrayed in the blog. And both Mr. and Mrs. are truly wonderful cooks, and excellent hosts. The juniors are intelligent, good kids. Only good things to report from that house!

I spent this morning running around Jerusalem trying to get things in order for school. Still no student ID card, but I was told..."Just carry your acceptance letter around - that should be enough". Yikes!

Right now I am pondering whether to go to this get together for the nursing students tonight at the med school dorms. I have no idea whether its mandatory (like orientation activities in America) or not. I am going to be a teeny bit older than the other students, and definitely more experienced, so I am being very conscious of the image I portray. I am torn between thinking that if I show up I'll be labeled a nerd, because the cool kids won't be there, and thinking if I don't go, I'll show up to orientation tomorrow and be labeled a snob because I thought I was too mature to show up to an orientation activity! I'll let you know what happens.

As for D. Well, I would be lying if I said I stuck to my guns and we hadn't spoken since that horrible bombshell. We have. Partially because I wanted my purple Hush Puppies loafers back, and they were under his bed, and I wasn't about to lose them since I lost the original pair of those shoes to the first David in the broken engagement.

Turns out I somehow misheard him that day and he didn't mean he never wanted to marry me, he meant he just couldn't do it then, he wasn't ready. I spent the past few weeks trying to decide if the new version mattered. I had a lovely drunken birthday party where the male to female ratio was about 10:1. No joke. It definitely helped the ego.

And I realized that if I would stick with D. I would have to accept being happy without a commitment, and not trying to change him into a guy who was ready to commit. I tried to see if my love for him was that strong. And in the end I decided that maybe it just wasn't. Or maybe, I love myself a little bit too. Because try though I might (and I did try) to rationalize his actions with what he claimed were his feelings -- I just couldn't make them jive in my own heart. No matter what I cannot believe the statement "I love you and I want to marry you -- just not now." One of those elements isn't true. At least not for me. And that, I hope, is that.

I better go get showered....if I am going to be labeled the nerd of the class of 2008 (Oh my -- in college I was the class of 2000), I at least want to be labeled the clean nerd of the class of 2008.


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