Wednesday, July 07, 2004

File Under "S" for Sucks...

[Update: After I wrote out this whole posting yesterday, Blogger did me the favor of deleting it. So I am now re-writing how much my day sucked. Yet another sucky thing]

1. On my way into work, which consists of 2 buses, the second one being over an hour long ride, I began to feel violently ill. And then I was violently ill, fortunately after I got off the bus. I walked into my office, was ill some more and realized I had to go home, and the bus was not going to be the preferred method. So I took a taxi home, at a cost of 120 shekels. So, to summarize -- I spent 3 hours, 120 NIS and it still got counted as a sick day. For this I got out of bed?

2. My little doggy Sharona (I will post pictures soon) has been acting weird lately. She's been hanging out and sleeping under the bed instead of in it, not eating much, and generally moping. I thought this Jerusalem heat was getting to her, as I too sometimes just want to crawl under the bed, but no, it turns out....she's pregnant. I am not.

Conveniently Sharona is due the week I am supposed to move apartments. Yay! I even know who the father is. A few weeks ago, while Sharona was in heat, this little dog I named Jack followed us everywhere. He was kinda cute the way he whined and cried when we wouldn't let him "fishizzle" Sharona. I tried explaining to him that crying and begging was so not manly. He would really follow us too. We'd be in a restaurant in downtown (25 minute walk) and come out, and there'd be Jack panting and smiling in anticipation. Visit friends? There'd be Jack. He was everywhere. It got to be that we could not go to parks or for walks really.

Well, 3.5 weeks ago, one day, he followed us home from the vet. Taking care to bolt the gate shut, Sharona and I retreated to the safety of my apartment. I was on the phone in my room, and I came out and caught Sharona and Jack in flagrante delicto in the middle of the kitchen.

In the middle of my kitchen!!!! Onemight wonder, who let him in? the answer is....Jack. He must have jumped the fence (I saw him do it on the way out) and opened the door by himself. I saw another dog do that a few days later. They all wanted a piece of Sharona...little slut.

I did what any normal person would do...I got out the digital camera and started snapping away. 20 minutes later, while the young lovers were smoking cigarettes on the porch, I scooped up Sharona and ran down the street to the vet, to inquire about doggy morning-after pills.

Turns out, there is some sort of shot available, but it didn't seem pleasant, and for various biological reasons we thought she wasn't pregnant. So we skipped the shot and now it turns out she's PG and there is NO WAY we can have those puppies. So, pro-choicer that I am, we have scheduled a dog abortion (and spaying) for next Thursday. I never really wanted to spay her (at least not at this age -- 3.5) and now I have no choice.

I'm thinking I am going to take the digital camera, and go to Jack's owners. And somehow, I am going to get them to pay for at least 1/2 of the abortion. I mean, they let their not-neutered male dog walk around freely. And he broke into my house!! Its not like its my fault for letting my dog run around outside while in heat. And I have the pictures to prove it. I am such a pervert.

3. Meanwhile the D. problems continue. Someone, please just take away my cellphone and email and let the dead horse die!!!

Also, I poured myself a bowl of cereal, and the freshly opened, not-past-the-expiration-date milk was obviously sour. EEEEWWWWW. I hate sour milk. Not like anyone likes it...but I hate it more than most.


Blogger Gilly said...

I'm sure that there are websites who'd be interested in those pictures...

10:01 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

LOL! That's the funniest blog post I've read in 3 days.

Here's a really funny doggie-porn website you might like:


12:02 PM  
Blogger Noa said...

Thanks for the link, but really, I don't want to see doggy-porn. I've got it live anyway

12:16 PM  

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