Thursday, January 06, 2005

I'll Have The Number Two!

I'll admit it. I am one of those people who walks her dog, and doesn't always clean up after the dog. To be fair, Sharona (my dog) poops in such out of the way places that if you step in it, you deserve it. Sharona will hide in a corner, under a bush, behind a truck and then do her business. So you see what I mean, its hard to step in her poop, without trying to step in it.

Every once in a while someone will call me on my behavior - and yell at me for leaving Sharona's, um, presents behind. These interactions are usually hilarious (at least from my point of view).

Case in point: Two days ago I was walking Sharona, when she stopped to take a pee. This woman (who was more or less my age) came up to me, and with righteousness and justice in heavily American-accented and broken Hebrew, told me that I was a disgusting person for letting my dog make on the floor, and that I better plan on cleaning it up.

I looked at her, and in English said, "Lady, it's piss! Did you want me to lick it up or use a paper towel?"

Her face then crumpled up, all the righteousness dissipated, and she burst out into tears! "I didn't know it was piss - I thought it was a sh*t! I thought she was taking a sh*t! Everyone lets their dog sh*t all over, and I always step on it!" At this point she was actually crying, and I knew if I stuck around much longer I'd be laughing in her face. I have no idea why she was crying, but I think she was having some issues besides those related to stray turds.

The funny part is, had she caught Sharona and I a block earlier, I would have been guilty as charged. I don't know why the whole interaction was so funny to me - I think it was the moment her face crumpled up and she exclaimed, in a tearful voice, "I thought it was a sh*t!"

Another time, Sharona and I happened to be walking past a fresh pile of poop; I believe it was still steaming. It wasn't ours, we just happened to walking past the pile at an inoppurtune moment. This man nearby started screaming at me for letting my dog crap and for not cleaning it up. I was about to defend myself, when I realized the proof was in the 'pudding', so to speak. I told him to stop yelling at me and look at Sharona, then to look at the poop. Each individual turd was bigger than Sharona's head. It must have been the work of a horse, or a Saint Bernard, but it certainly wasn't the work of my 4.5 kg dog. The man felt pretty stupid and shut up.

Again, if he'd caught me moments earlier, the turds would have been Sharona, and he would have a had a point.

But if you're wandering the streets of Jerusalem, and step into a little "gift", chances are, it wasn't me!


Anonymous Anonymous said...

MOST definitely NOT a topic I needed to read about first thing after getting up! ;-)

Fun Joel

4:09 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

next time I step in poop I'm gonna put it in a brown paper bag, place it on your doorstep, and SETS it on fire.

for shame! a pox on poop-leaving dog owners!

6:01 PM  
Blogger Evan said...

I usually read your blog first thing after waking up. Reading about steaming piles of steaming S*** pudding while eating my honey nut cheerios is not my idea of a good morning.

6:09 PM  
Blogger amechad said...

Noa, Noa, Noa.... Normally I must agree with you but now I must vehenemently disagree. I hoped one of the important things American olim would bring to this country is a respect for others, specifically a rest for pooper scooper laws.

#1 It is illegal to not clean up after your dog. Reason enough.

#2 It is incredibly disrespectful to those around you and it can be extremely frustrating. I sympathize dearly with that woman who cried because she was tired of stepping in poop. It shows a lack of respect towards others, which given the many places where Israelis seem to not show respect towards others (whether their intention or a cultural misreading), I can fully understand her frustration.

#3 It's gross. If you have a dog, you're responsibility. Not mine.

Clean up after your dog! You don't want to step in dog poop so don't let anyone else (including, for example, the gardener who may have reason to step underneath the bush, or children playing or whomever else) step in your dog's poo.

And not all of us like dogs to being with.

6:34 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

I agree with Amechad. It is your responsibility to clean up after your dog, no matter where the mess is. You don't want to have to deal with it, DON'T OWN A DOG.

And if watching a woman cry is your idea of funny, then that's just...sick.

1:25 AM  
Blogger MatzahNacho said...

This was so funny I had to call my mom and send her over here to read it. She loves dogs, has a lot of experience walking them, and can relate to being "falsely accused."

8:47 PM  
Blogger NG said...

Anyone who's seen Noa and Sharona together will agree that Noa treats Sharona as a person in every respect. She speaks to Sharona as an adult, asks her counsel on various matters, dresses her in clothes and, quite possibly, lets Sharona sit at the table for dinner (I wonder if Sharona can also play poker?).

While I agree that there should not be any dog excrement on the streets I walk every day, I think we're all missing the point here. Whose responsibility is it to clean up after Sharona? Why, obviously it's Sharona's own responsibility. If she makes the mess, it's her job to clean it up, not Noa's.


9:00 PM  
Blogger Jack's Shack said...

behind a truck and then do her business.You said that sharona uses out of the way places. Well behind a truck may be fine until the truck moves.

Sorry, I have to agree with the others here, this is wrong. When I see this behavior I have been known to bag it and send it along with the "owner."

There is a guy who lives around the corner from my home. He thinks that my front lawn is a great place for his dog. Honestly if I could I would stuff it all in his mailbox. It is not my responsibility to clean up after him or his dog.

6:47 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Sorry, Noa, you asked for it. If there's something that Anglos in Israel (and others) feel strongly about, it's the dog poop issue. You're going to get a lot more comments like the ones above.

If you make it public that you're not picking it up, you're going to get a lot of shit (pun intended...)

Just one of the many reasons I wouldn't get a dog...I do clean up my kids'poop, but at least I know that they will eventually get toilet-trained...


11:40 PM  
Blogger Noa said...

People - this post was about the humor of being falsely accused! I don't leave her turds all over. If she poops anywhere I think someone may step in it, I clean it up. Promise! I don't like stepping in poo either. When I say behind a truck, I mean under the wheel, where the truck must roll over it. Let me say this again, 99 times out of 100 I clean up after my dog. If you'll notice I never said "I don't clean up after her". I said I don't ALWAYS clean up after her, because sometimes she does it in a place that no one will ever step in. I've got feet, and before I was a dog owner, I was conscious of the poo as well. I'm still conscious of it. Its still grosses me out when I see that someone has left a large pile in a strategic place. If you'll notice, the last line of the posting is "chances are, it wasn't me!". That's because I clean up after her 99% of the time. And the other 1% of the time is when there is no way anyway anyone will step in it.

And I don't think its funny watching women cry - I think it was the rapid transition from righteous indignation to sobbing apology that was humor. And really, folks, hasn't anyone ever laughed at something that shouldn'tbe funny, but for some reason is?

11:09 AM  
Blogger andy said...

1. Love your blog and think that you sound like a lovely person.

2. Get your point that the post was about false accusations & inappropriate humor.

3. Hate, hate, hate the seeming inability of Israeli dog owners to take responsibility for their dogs. If your (the generic "your", not Noa specifically) dog poops ANYWHERE outside your house and yard, clean it up. If you can't handle that idea and find it disgusting (like me), don't have a dog (like me).

11:00 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

what you said was, "if you step in it, you deserve it." You're wrong. No one deserves it. If you think so, you don't deserve a dog. 99% is not 100%. Do you wash your hands 100% of every time you go to the bathroom, or only 99%? Should people be worried to shake your hand?

Was your comment supposed to make me think, oh, this is okay then?

4:58 AM  
Blogger jah said...

um....judging by the comments, it seems you stepped in it with this one..hahahaha, stepped in it, get it? oh, hmm, not that funny, eh...
don't worry, someone will think this is offensive too, as i am not taking their deepest and most heartfelt feeling seriously enough.
C'mon people! She was making a light hearted observation. If we can''t laugh about dog shit, what can we laugh about?

3:18 PM  

Post a Comment

<< Home