Sunday, April 17, 2005

The inevitable

Friday night Bryan and I enjoyed a lovely dinner at the Gilly home. We also got to meet another lurker on this blog (shout-out to him). As inevitably happens when I meet lurkers, they want to know the inside scoop on the denoument of the D. situation, and why my blog has gotten so pareve recently. [Because I only have good things to report, or alternatively, things so bad I cnanot blog them]. Unfortunately, I had nothing exciting to tell this lurker, because I have not run into D. since we broke up, which is surprising, but not a bad thing.

D. actually sent me an email a few weeks ago wishing me mazal tov on my engagement. It was mildly snide, and I'm not sure if it was supposed to elicit a response from me, or if it was simply a nice gesture, but I did something I had never done before in my life. I read the email from D., then deleted it. No response. That chapter is over in my book.

Then, yesterday, out of the blue, I ran into D.

Yesterday was the Shabbat Chattan (can only be described as a religious bachelor party) of my previously dear friend Daniel. Bryan and I were supposed to walk to the synagogue where it would be held, and I knew Bryan would never wake up on time to get there, as he often oversleeps accidentally on purpose on Shabbat. For some reason, I wake up without an alarm clock at like 6 am every day.

So Bryan never met me at my place to walk to shul, and I warned him if he was more than 1/2 an hour late I was leaving without him, and he'd have to meet me at the shul. It was kind of pathetic seeing my dad turn around every few seconds, hoping that Bryan would walk through the synagogue doors. Have I mentioned that my parents love Bryan? A lot? More than me? (take that either way, they are probably both true).

Anyway, to make a long story short, Bryan never turned up to shul. And who should I bump into at the kiddush (party) after services? D. It was a mildly awkward moment, and I recovered nicely from the surprise, but I was so furious at Bryan for not being there, as my armor, when I needed him. I haven't seen D. in a long time, and when I finally do run into him, my fiance is in absnetia. I know this is petty of me. I know it. But it doesn't mean I didn't want Bryan there. Because D. always made me feel like I was asking for the impossible, someone to love me unconditionally, and when I finally ran into him, with the impossible a reality, I could not have the impossible there to see the priceless reaction on D.'s face.

My mother, who was also there, quickly summed up the situation, and said, "Uh-oh, Bryan's in deep sh*t, isn't he?" Yes, friends, he is. I just felt like he let me down. Now, obviously neither of us could have known this would happen. Had he known, you can be sure he would have been there on time. Had I known, I would have threatened him with a catheter insertion (his current biggest fear borne out of my nursing school experiences) had he not turned up. But I didn't know.

When we got to my folks house, Bryan was waiting on the stairs for us. I just looked at him and sad, "You are way in the doghouse buddy". He had no idea why, but when I explained to him, he clearly felt really bad. But I made him feel worse. All throughout the meal, I kept making snide little comments as to Bryan's perpetual lateness problem. And it is perpetual. My dad, (who it must be said, again, loves Bryan more than he loves me) kept sticking up for Bryan. Eventually my mom changed the topic to interesting jobs we've all had as youngsters. My worst was probably when I started working at a local (kosher) ice cream parlor, only to discover it was a front for a debt-collection agency, and in between scoops, I was supposed to harass people into paying back their debts.

Bryan said his worst job was when he was a pizza delivery boy. I just looked at him and said, "I'm guessing you never made it in 30 minutes or less?"

Poor boy. I think he learned his lesson.

PS- My mom called after shabbat to make sure I had forgiven Bryan. She was really worried I wasn't going to. Again, my parents love Bryan more than they love me :)


Blogger Andy said...

Hi Noa and Bryan

It was nice meeting you in Efrat the Shabat before last.

Noa, you're being too hard on Bryan, that talk about "the dog house". He did nothing wrong to you.

5:39 PM  
Anonymous Nati said...

Hi Noa,
I have been lurk-reading your blog for a while. When I saw that the one comment so far went against your reaction to the experience you had, it spurred me out of my silence :)
Sorry to disagree with Andy, but as a woman, I can completely understand your feelings. While you acknowledge that Bryan is everything you were looking for, those annoying habits can be, well, annoying. It is great to be realistic about each other (+ and -) and to have tiffs/work them out before marriage. . . That being said I would be really bummed not to have had that vindication when faced with someone who hurt me in the past! Just wanted you to know I hear ya, and agree. Now that it's been blogged about, I am sure you are way past it . .
Mazel tov (belated!)and hatzlacha with the ongoing planning!!

2:55 AM  
Blogger treppenwitz said...

I'm going to come down somewhere between Andy and Nati.

Yes, it would have been nice to have Bryan there to rub in D's face. I'm sure you've imagined that very scenario a few dozen times. However, you mention at the outset that Bryan 'has issues' with punctuality and you have, by default, accepted him 'as is'... faults and all.

In this case I think you are much more upset about not being able to show up your ex (something that anyone with an unpleasant ex in their past has fantasized about doing) than Bryan's ongoing problem with arriving on time.

The fact that you found your dad's dissapointment in shul simply 'pathetic' and your bryan's absence when you ran into D an offense worhty of 'the doghouse' should erase all doubts as to the basis for your anger.

To quote an old saying: Men marry women in hopes that they will stay the same forever... yet they change the moment we marry them. Women marry men in hopes that they will change... yet we stay essentially the same despite all efforts to the contrary.

Bryan may make valiant efforts to become more punctual for you... but it will be completely against his nature, and not at all part of the person with whom you fell in love.

10:45 AM  
Blogger tafka PP said...

I'm not taking sides. You've got enough stress in your life right now with those "previous" friends!

Just wanted to tell you that I also worked in a Debt-collecting agency once- I was so bad at harrassing that they moved me to debtor counselling- none of which involved ice-cream, unfortunately...

11:10 AM  
Blogger Noa said...

Andy....I'm not hard on Bryan at all, as he will attest to, and the thing he "did wrong" here was more that he disappointed me (as I am sure will happen frequently over the course of a life together) when I needed him. He definitely didn't do it on purpose though.

Nati...I'm glad you see my side. The annoying habit is generally just annoying, but this time it made me upset because of a completely out-of-our-control occurence. Again, I know he didn't do it on purpose, but if he'd just been on time....

David...You get the point. Like you said, I love Bryan's relaxed, laid-back attitude. And I am fully aware that this particular trait mainfests itself in many ways - including this particularly annoying habit of never turning up on time. But I take the good with the bad, and I do love him as he his. Plus, he never gets upset at me when I pull something like this, because he lives in a glass house.

The particular upset here definitely stems from the fact that I couldn't show up D. right away, and that was because Bryan was late, as usual. But I love him anyway...or maybe becuase of it.

Parrot - Remind me to tell you about the particular friends nuptials another time. And I know you always take th side of the underdog!!

12:28 PM  
Blogger Tzemach Atlas said...

Whya are you so centered on your men, ex and current? This is not healthy for you or for them.

2:00 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Hey Noa!

Unlike the others, I won't be commenting on right and wrong, as I see this as just a funny story, as I know you do as well. That being said...

Great punchline about the pizza delivery in 30 minutes. I laughed hard at that one! :-)

Fun Joel

6:25 PM  
Anonymous mochassid said...


See what happens when you're late for shul!! Why doesn't anyone listen to me?

12:17 AM  
Blogger lisoosh said...

What a bummer you couldn't show Bryan off. You deserved it.
As to lateness, my dad is always late and it drives the whole family nuts, after 40 years my parents are still fighting about it.
Word on the pizza delivery time joke - quick thinking.
Treppenwitz is so right about men and women and changing after marriage - a wise man.
OK that's my two cents worth.

6:27 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Hi Noa,

It was great to meet you at Gilly's. I'm so proud I got a mention on the blog!! I'm going to send the link to all my friends.
When you read someone's blog you do wonder a lot what it would be like to meet them although obviously its not something that you would do as it would somehow kill the point. But it was a lot of fun to get to know you and I hope we will be non-virtual friends when I get back from my travels.
Based on your last posting, I just want to take back my comment about one writing due to 'tension and conflict' and that maybe marriage signals the end for your blog as we know it. I don't think marriage is some kind of 'Neverland' and we certainly don't stop growing so I think the blog will live on!

Anyway, I'm going back to lurking.

5:28 PM  
Blogger business said...

Hey, you have a great blog here! I'm definitely going to bookmark you!
I have a business debt
site/blog. It pretty much covers business debt
related stuff.

Come and check it out if you get time :-)

4:45 AM  

Post a Comment

<< Home