Wednesday, February 22, 2006

A little Mary Jane?

There are lots of things you can't have or can't do when you're pregnant, depending on how many mothers-in-law you have and which pregnancy books you choose to read. Among some of the very common, well-known no-no's.
*No sushi or carpaccio (or any undercooked animal for that matter)
*No boozing (cultural differences allow for a glass of wine here and there, all the way up to prohibition-era teetotaling)
*No cigarettes - this includes second-hand smoke (Israelis - we're talking to you)
*No scuba-diving
*No unpasteurized cheeses (say bye-bye to anything but overprocessed crap)
*No weed

Now, I was looking for a medical reason for the last one - since it seems clear that even if THC crosses the placental barrier, all it would do is chill the baby out. I mean, its not even addictive.

But I've discovered the real reason: I have become so brain-dead and memory impaired recently, that if I smoked a joint I would probably fall over afterwards because I would forget how to walk. I think my baby is eating my brain cells, and that loss, coupled with a little high would probably make me forget how to breathe.

The other day I went to the grocery store to pick up some things for dinner. I got into the car, but couldn't remember the code for disarming the alarm. After 5 tries, I got it. I started driving to the grocery store (which I go to weekly) but forgot how to get there. I started panicking. I figured I should just drive and my memory would kick in eventually - wrong! I ended up going to the first grcoery store I ran into, which was way more expensive and not the shop I wanted.

This morning I went to the post office for the sole purpose of picking up a package. I knew exactly where I had put the package slip, and took the car keys with me in order to get the slip out of the car. I got all the way to the post office, still clutching the car keys in my hand - with no package slip.

All of this has made exam period a little more difficult than it should be - its hard to memorize approximately 200 drugs, how they work, what they're used for and their contraindications, when you can't even remember how to start your car. I'm just glad I remember to study for the right exam, instead of studying for one that already occured.

To all the other mommies who warned me about pregnancy brain - dear lord, how did you find you way home every day? I've noticed my memory is even slipperier (is that a word?) when I am hungry...which is most of the time.

If only I could remember where I keep the food....


Blogger lisoosh said...

Ha. Told you.
I used to stop at green traffic lights. I could process the fact that it was a traffic light but couldn't process the colors quickly enough! So I would sit there, and then wonder why. It doesn't go away with the birth either, I was a bit worried about you what with studying and all.

I have a theory about the brain freeze - the neurons are diverted to run the eyes that grow in the back of your head. Either that or it is to help you deal with subjucating yourself entirely to another human being without going completely insane. The sane part just goes away for a while.

Feel better.

6:26 PM  
Anonymous Essie said...

Sorry I don't have any experience in this arena, but I definitely sympathize!

11:37 PM  
Anonymous jordan Hirsch said...

So not only do you have the negative effects of pot, but you get the munchies too.

12:54 AM  
Blogger Fun Joel said...

That's a bummer, man. A big bummer. :-) I'll see if we can organize others to smoke on your behalf (Law of Conservation of Ganja Toking).

4:14 AM  
Blogger Esther Kustanowitz said...

"Chill the baby out..."

I'm still laughing...

10:58 AM  
Blogger Noa said...

Joel - to be fair, I have actually never smoked weed (though I have ingested it on several occasions) so the "law of conservation" wouldn't help anyone out....It's more of a theoretical no-no for me.

5:49 PM  
Blogger Just Passing Through said...

I used to be a frequent (but silent) reader but slipped off. I re-discovered your blog and I'm glad I did. I'm cracking up here!

12:17 AM  

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